Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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