I got chris browned last night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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