There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
