Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize