I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
