I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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