After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
