I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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