I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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