I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
