I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize