Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
