I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
