shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
