We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
