man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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