A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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