just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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