you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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