I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
