? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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