Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it glows. i had to have it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
