All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
