Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
