Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize