hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
