So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
