so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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