your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
