My first STD was from a foam party
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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