no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
