i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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