God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
