Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
