absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize