Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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