you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
