all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She announced her abortion via fbk
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
