you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
