my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
