I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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