just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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