You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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