I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
