I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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