you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
