your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
