I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
