Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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