I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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