Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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