hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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