i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
PANTIES FOUND
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