Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
