dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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