sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
