he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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