you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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