this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
