I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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