apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
