On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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