Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So here I am, sexting at work.
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