you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We have started to decorate penises.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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