Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need moral support for this bender
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
