so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize