the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am naked and annoyed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
