he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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