i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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