i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
