8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
