he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
