I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
