You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
