Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
