I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
