i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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