And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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