I can't watch pbs sober anymore
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
