even my farts smell like vagina
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
