I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize