I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
