I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
