I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
