we have officially lost it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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