Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize