Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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