he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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