escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
