I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
