mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
