I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
