i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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