Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
