She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
