he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
