The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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