If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
