Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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