I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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