Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
