I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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