you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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