Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
