Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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