I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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