my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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