remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize