loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize