i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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