I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
