I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
