is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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