No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
