Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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