lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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