What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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