I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
